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Been a long time

It's surprising that how soon a year can pass. This is probably going to be my only post in this year since my last post in 2009.
Things had changed a lot in this passing year. I almost succeeded in turning my life over in a better way, but I chickened out and got stuck.
At the moment, the future still doesn't seem promising. And the worst thing is I'm getting so old. It makes me afraid that it might be already too late for me to make a change.
I should have stayed to study at the University of Queensland. But it does nothing meaningful to regret.
I really need some good luck or the wisdom and courage to make my life right.

Overexposed

I feel like I'm naked, unprotected and overexposed. And I feel dreadful at the moment, just like someone that has been on my mind for a little while.

I hope things will get better as soon as possible. I need confidence, robust and solid confidence.

Weary of the Repetitive Life

I've been doing the same work for almost 9 months. It seems to be stable. Sometimes I enjoy doing this job, because I feel the joy from the students that I teach when I get along with them and see them making progress. Some of my colleagues are nice and warm, and I enjoy talking with them and doing things with them. The schedules I have to follow are fixed. I do the same things week after week.

But I grow weary of the presence and concerned about the future. How much longer will I stay the same? What will things be like some time later? When I'm lying on the bed in the night, I get much worried and anxious.

I think I am in lack of something dependable and also something consuming. I need hope.

空白

回台一個月了
心情也逐漸回到當時出國前一般的低落
過去的一年多感覺好遙遠
遠到好像不存在
像是一片空白

台灣的天都是灰白色的
不論晴雨
蔚藍的天空除了存在照片中
也就只有在心裡了

這片土地有太多令人不悅的人事物
但是我終究得留在這裡一輩子
再也離不開了吧

我仍舊在日復一日的空白裡
過著無趣的生活
偶爾想起異國的朋友
也只能遙祝你們平安快樂

我們
還有再見面的一天嗎?

The Last Few Days in Australia

I've left Horn Island for 2 days already. I was picked up by a friend, Gill, whom I met on Horn, at the Cairns airport, and stayed with her for 2 days at her home in Innisfail. Innisfail is a town about 85KMs in the south of Cairns. It's a beautiful place with green, lush mountains and rivers.

I also met her neighbors, Emily, who's an elder lady at the age of 83 and she's a very nice person, and Sue, who's devoted to animal conservation, and she's showed me 3 wallabies. Gill is really a very nice person. I'm so blessed to know all of them. Gill even drove me back to Cairns this morning. Thank you very much, Gill.

I found that I feel alone in Cairns. It's been more than 3 and a half month since the last time I travel alone. But because I had to proceed tax return and change some Japanese yen, I have to spend at least 1 or 2 days in Cairns. I found that there's no tax office in Cairns, so I have to spend money to let an agency help me proceed the process. Today I also bought a pair of shorts.

Now I do feel that time lapses swiftly. I have spend about 362 days in Australia. I can still clearly remember the morning I arrived in Darwin, and the days I met friends from different countries. It will be a year that I will always remember.

How Time Crawls Slowly

Due to that I do not have a lot of opportunity to use the internet, and also there's nothing much happening here, I rarely have a new post recently. The work is boring, repetitive and one of the cooks I have to work with all day is quite rude. All of those make the stay here a kind of endurance, but in a good way my patience is improved anyway.

These days the boredom of my life here drastically increases. The Korean girl worked with us had had left for many weeks, and the friendly Sydney girl had also gone back to Sydney to work at the Royal Easter Show and she'll not be back until next Thursday. I don't have many people to talk to. Most of the time I'm either working in the kitchen or stay in my room reading a novel. Sometimes I rent DVDs, but not often. Working days are long and tedious, but off days are boring nonetheless.

Now I count the days every day. Until today I have to stay in Horn Island for another 14 days, and I have to work for another 11 days. I really hope these days fly.

After here I will fly to Cairns on 13th of April, and immediately be picked up by an English woman whom I met at our hotel in January, and befriended. She lives in Innisfail which is about one hour of drive south to Cairns. I got her postcard earlier this week, and I called her then. She agreed to pick me up from Cairns airport. I'll stay with her until that Tuesday, and go back to Cairns for another 2 days to apply tax refund and deal with some other matters. I'll fly to Osaka, Japan, on 17th of April.

All in all I'll have stayed in Australia for 364 days, and I'll be away from home for more than 1 year. The past more than 11 months seemed to be long gone, they passed so quickly. I can still recall the scenes of the morning when I arrived in Darwin from Singapore on 19th April 2007. However, the current days of my working here still crawl slowly, very.